I don't

I do not miss you anymore. It's such a strange realization after having spent the better part of a decade thinking about you,  worrying about you,  needing you. I am no longer afraid of hearing your honey velvet "Hey" in my voicemail, or seeing your scribbled version of my name on an envelope in the mail. There are no texts, your name does not crowd the inbox of my phone. I no longer wonder about what youd feel like sleeping next to me, or how you take your coffee in the morning.  I don't think about your hand in mine or your lips on my neck.

Sometimes I wish I did. Sometime I feel your absence in my life like a gaping canyon between what could have been and what we ended up. How could I not? I met you and you set me in charge of your deepest secrets, fears, hopes, dreams, your present and your past. I felt responsible for your well being and burned myself to ashes to better you however way I could. For what? Sometimes when I inhale I almost burn with longing for the days when I still thought you'd love me. Sometimes I don't.

The twisted part? I do not miss you these days. You barely cross my mind and yet I'm dying to confide in you all of my worries, all of my fears; and tell you about the man who stops my heart. How could I tell you that he took all of the rubble you left behind and helped me build myself stronger than before? How could I tell you that he pulls me to him and the universe is still and waits to move? How can I say that he's becoming everything I ever needed from you?

I do not miss you. I sleep through the night now. I'm listened to and comforted and everything you should have been has come my way through a man much better and there's more to come still.

I do not miss you. Where are you?