Relapse

Missing you burns the back of my throat
Like the first cigarette after quitting for months.
I inhale and you scratch your way into my lungs,
I exhale and you tear your way out.
My veins ache for the taste of your lips,
My fingers for the feel of your head on my lap and I,
I am lost, terrified of relapse, I don't want you
I just want the feel of your body against mine,
Just this once.

I escaped you.
I was free.
I was gone.

And you creep in my thoughts like some fucked up rendition
Of a song you once sang to me in a dream
I don't want it. I do not want you.
You're the god who burned me to the ground
Despite all my worship,  my praise at your altar,
You tore flesh from dreams, hope from bones.
Get out of my head.
Not again.