Some Days

Some days are harder than others.

Some days require more convincing before the bed sheets set me free,
Before my warm feet touch the carpet, before my mirror even sees me.
Some days I need extra convincing to put some food inside my mouth,
To drink some water, do some walking,  do anything to get me out.
Some days my showers last 5 minutes, and are much shorter than I've planned,
My legs are neither soft nor smooth because I cannot trust the blade in hand.
Some days I sob a little harder until my eyes are red and hurt,
Until my pillow's soaked and I just can't keep contemplating my own worth.
Some days I do not trust a word you tell me, despite how kind, or soft, or sweet,
I cannot hear you over swear words, or other shit that's on repeat.
Some days all I can hear is that I'm worthless, useless, weak,
That I should die, that I'm not worthy, but I've got promises to keep.
Some days I'm lonely and I'm sad because of every little thing,
But I hold tightly and I wonder what good things could tomorrow bring?
Some days are harder than the others, some days turn into weeks, months, years...
I look for solace in the knowledge that there's little truth inside my fears.