Three Months

89 days of no sleep and no eating,
No peace of mind, no peace of anything,
Three months of torment
Of demons screaming,
Of angels suffering
Of constant bleeding..
And I am nothing anymore
I can't stop wishing,
I can't stop bargaining
For another spark of you
To cage between my ribs.
Three fucking months of hell,
Of being skinned alive with every breath
Of breathing in the broken shards
Of what became of my ice cold heart.
89 days of constant thinking,
Of shaking out of every fucking joint
As if a needle'd make it any better,
As if drugs could bring you back.
And if they could, I'd try them all.
I'd spend my days in every bus stop
Breathing in the toxic fumes of death
For one more glimpse,
One more sight of you, my sweetest friend.
It doesn't work that way does it?
And no kicking and screaming
Could alter the fabric of what came to be...
And I'd be willing to cage every reaper and demon,
To rip Death's throat wide open
With hungry teeth and shaking fingers
For the chance to pull you to my chest.
Three months of "It's going to get better",
Of "God's will" and "Give it time"...
It isn't better, they can keep the bearded man,
And all the time won't stop this torment.
Three months of losing my mind
In stranger's hands, between lovers' thighs,
Between the waves of oceans of sorrow
That cannot drown this pain.
Too many days of being forced to move
Of being forced to crawl out of my tear-soaked bed,
To look for something to wrap my hands around
In hopes that I will turn around
And find you laughing at your shitty prank.
What wouldn't I give, my sweetest friend,
To pull you to my chest, to see your smile again,
To cup your face between my shaking palms
And hold you there, forever in my arms.