Exchange II

I can't handle it. I do not know how.
How can I breathe when it hurts going in
Like a million papercuts on my skin...
When it stings like I've never experienced,
When it burns like a stale cigarette?
I do my best to keep it together,
To pretend this doesn't tear me to shreds...
Who am I to mourn your passing?
Who am I to never forget?
I don't believe I'm entitled to mourn you,
To cry out your name in the night...
To soak through my sheets and my pillows
While crying for you without breath.
Who am I to howl your name?
When I abandoned you when we were just kids,
When I left and had such a hard time finding you
But couldn't bother to write you a bit?
I am not worthy of mourning,
And I do not deserve a reprieve...
Who am I to mourn you so deeply,
Who am I to offer and exchange?
I resisted selling my soul in a contract,
Just promised a million things...
But I would slice my own veins
And be a slave to the end
Just for one simple exchange:
Me for you.