Stuck

I'm stuck at the corner of what could have been and what could be,
Looking desperately for a solution to my questions
And trying to illuminate this stupid fog.
I cannot see more than an inch around
And with arms outstretched I search for you...
Your soft skin under my frozen fingertips,
Your wrm lips against my beating heart,
My arms wrapped tight around your ribs
To push together whatever falls to dust ..
But still there's nothing, we're miles apart...
Me on this side and you behind this fog.

Earned

I could beg and sweet talk you,
Use everything to convince you
But where's the fun in that, dear?
Where's the appeal of kneeling
Willingly the first time around?
Where's the beauty of arguments,
Of bargaining quietly together
With hushed tones and hot breaths?
Why would I obey mindlessly
Without you convincing me?
Tell me, is that what you're looking for?
Is that what would please you?
Because so far I'm loving the thought
Of me being yours to fight and trap,
Of being yours in ways the others arent...
Of being earned.

Surrender

So what do you do? You conform.
You put your head down and look away,
Take a deep breath and hope for the best
Before your thoughts get invaded
And you lose yourself.
Take a deep breath and prepare yourself
Before you dive head first into the deep end,
Before your skin first touches the water,
Before ice crystals stab your flesh.
You hope for the best before you give up
And let go of your fears,
Before you give me control...
Before you hand me your soul.
You can do this. You can give me your all
And you can trust that I'll take very good care of you,
Now and always, I'll watch your dreams
And battle your fears... you can do this.

High School

If I close my eyes and I have never left your side.
I'm still stuck inside the car in that old parking lot
With your mouth glued to my neck and my hands around your back
Constantly pulling you close.
I'm still sat up on the deck after the sun has long since set
With your hand glued to my hand and my eyes upon the sky and look,
Here comes Orion.
I remember dangling with your fingers on my skin,
Threatening to toss me into the cold pool water....
Or, oh my god, those stripper shorts
With the buttons on the sides
That I'd pull apart sometimes and laugh so hard!
Or when I finally turned sixteen with those hot tears on my skin,
I do remember all your tricks just to make me grin a bit
And boy did you tumble and squeeze until I felt okay again.
I remember waiting, still, on the bench out by the street
Until I'd see you come right near
And how my heart would used to drum inside my chest.
Or when I saw you in your greens after you were a marine,
And the balls it took from me to keep my eyes away from you.
I remember walking laps with your arms across my lap
And listening to stories of all you've seen and done.
Or when you took me to buy pants
And let me change out of my skirt
Before you took me through the dirt on base that day...
And I remember how you smiled
When that skirt was really tight or when my skin burned at your touch,
Fuck how you scared me.
Oh how I wanted you so bad to be the first I ever had
To be the glue that kept me still when I got lost.
And how I didn't realize that you became my safest spot,
But I still drive by your old place when nothing seems to go my way
Because for some reason our spots make me feel fine.
And I remember that park at night when I snuck out those times
Just to sit still at your side at least once more.
How did it break?
How did it turn so fast from "Shit I want this" to "I guess fuck that"?
When you were always the one to know my broken heart,
The worry in your eyes at each new sparkling scratch,
And I do wonder if you knew how bad I needed to escape the hell I lived in.
I saw your stress at the next deeper cut and maybe wondered if I'll ever stop.
Somehow, I did it.
How did it turn so sour and how did the distance creep?
I never knew if I was in too deep,
I always wondered just what you felt for me and
Suddenly you weren't just my marine.
Fast forward to today to a million talks
Of kids and homes and wives
And a bunch of other stuff and the craziest thing...
My heart still drums like crazy when your name pops up,
My panties soaked my jeans at your dirty talk,
You make me want to kneel and do just what you say
Because your voice alone can make me go insane...
I don't know how you do it, drive me up a wall,
When all you do is sit there and all you do is drive,
I miss that hand buried somewhere up my thigh...
Or god damn your long fingers wrapped around my neck
With your lips pressed hard so I can hear your breath,
Your handprints on my skin and my skin buzzing hard,
And yes I'm soaked and all I think about is the next trip,
Next call, next text when you can make me feel like I am just the best
When you can make me float upon the highest clouds
Or turn me on so hard I pant thinking about the things you promise me
The things you say you'll do and though we're still apart it still comes back to you...
Although I still wonder where my footing is,
Just what you think and feel and what's up so damn deep...
I wonder if I ever wander through some dream and you're dreaming about me,
Or my mouth that can start or end wars and everything in between...
So when I say that I feel like I am back in school
When all I'm doing is hanging out with you...
Despite still being clueless of what I mean to you
I'm thinking of all the things you made me feel and think
And know,no matter what, I'm always yours, marine.

Like Hell

My mind is spinning, my thoughts- a billion miles a minute
And all I'm thinking is how your skin felt on my skin,
And how I sit and pray and beg to feel the same
But it still tingles just like hell at the thought of you.

Speed

Have you ever looked up close at a speeding train,
The way the cabins come and fly away again?
Or have you ever looked below an airplane's wings,
How quickly the tarmac comes and disappears?
That's how quickly thoughts fly between my ears.
My brain feels underwater, my muscles twitch in me
And yet I still look for you in every thought I see.
And though I cannot focus, although I can't sit still
This is indeed how quickly I'd bend down to your will.

Friend

I'd ask a billion questions, and then a billion more,
If it means you'd answer me and pacify my fears...
I fought as hard to stay as I have fought to go
And now that here I am, I'm fighting this alone.
You're like the steady heartbeat beneath by crooked bones,
You're like the constant ticking inside the strangest dreams..
And the more I struggle, the more I fight the fall,
The harder I collapse and then I fall some more.
I'd pause the time in place and stare at your bruised soul
Because I see it all, despite you thinking 'no',
And I don't have to answer the million little things
Because you're always tugging at my bloody wings.
I'd ask a bunch of questions about our origin,
And tell you all my fears that the dark would win,
I would tell you every demon I have ever killed
If it meant you knew you'd have a friend in me.

Ready

I'm still not ready to burst my little bubble

And bleed my happiness into this twisted place.

Although I almost hear the popping sound it makes

And can see this dreamy fog and how it dissipates.

I'm not yet willing to forgo the magic

Or tell the world of what has happened here...

Can you hold on to me a moment longer

So I can live inside this little fantasy?

I don't quite want to close my eyes tonight

Knowing the sun will wipe it all away,

Please make it last at least another hour

Or better yet just hit rewind for me.

I'm not too eager to return to start

And roam the hallways like an empty ghost,

I don't like looking for another armor

Or patch the thousand holes in this rusty soul.

I'm not quite ready to walk the other way,

And forgo the safety of the walls you built...

Can you hold on to me a moment longer please

And let me hide behind you, and find my missing piece?

Don't make me have to go and fight my battles yet,

With cuts along my neck and my armor bent...

Please let me hold you, please, you're just so steady

But despite the "when", I don't think I'll be ready. 

Thoughts

There are ten thousand thoughts of you
Scattered across ten thousand pages,
I just can't seem to get enough
Through these intimate ages.
And I can lose my mind with you
Because you make me senseless,
Because you let me just let go
And always leave me breathless.
There are ten billion thoughts of you
Inside my brain cells
And I will never get enough
In just one weekend.

Forgetful

When I'm around you, I cannot think straight...
Or when I do, the world's upside down
And you're at my side grinning like that
And all I can think of is pulling you closer,
And holding you tighter, and poking you harder
Because your reaction is great.
We've gone back some time, dear drug of mine,
And I've only discovered the one side effect: I forget.
I forget that I have a billion things on my mind
Like meetings, appointments, reports I can't find,
I forget that you know how I think
What I feel, how I search for the answers
You keep hiding from me...
I forget to worry that I didn't stage myself well in this light
Or that "this angle looks right"
I don't worry you'll notice those scars on my skin,
Or that you'll judge the self doubt within...
I forget to humor the fears that I've spawned
But always remember the flick of he tongue.