Secrets

I'm happiest when I am busy, too busy to eat or sleep,
Too busy to think about your honey-velvet voice,
To be wrapped up in sentimental bullshit.
I'm happiest when I'm too busy to look around
At every corner, hoping you'll be there,
Leaning against a wall, arms crossed,
Walking to me in a small surprise.
I'm happiest when I'm too busy to close my eyes
For a pointless night, too busy for sleep,
And at least I stay awake and do  not dream of you,
Do not wake up hollow inside, aching for you
To tell me I'm fine.
I'm happiest when I'm too busy to whisper your name
In my sleep, avoiding those razor blade slips
Through the tips of my tongue, everlong.

I'm happiest when I'm too busy to miss you,
But you and I both know it's a lie,
Because you are, and always will be, in every
Single breath I breathe.