Perfection

I know I am imperfect, I may always be...
There's a million and one things I'd change about me.
The thing is, though, I know it's gonna be hard...
But don't give up just yet... I wont say "I will start...".
I already have, and I am on my way...
I will achieve perfection in an imperfect way.

Sacrifices

I used to think that love will make you compromise,

That stress and fear and worry come and always interfere. 

Since then, I learned a little more, and sampled other hearts.

I'm shocked to see that ones that beat don't break the other ones.

I see them, dear, and wonder if it can be like this,

Where I love you, and you love me, and no one has to hurt.

But see, my dear, the problem lies deep within the text...

My heart is warm, yours is as well, but warm hearts, love don't make.

You spend your nights in her embrace and all seems wonderful,

Your heart is warm then too, my love, and all seems beautiful.

She holds you close and whispers poems of how it's going to be,

But deep inside, we both know, your mind returns to me. 

She cares for you, like a mother should, and keeps you sane, my dear...

But do you want a mother's love, or someone you can feel?

You hold her close and feel her warmth and think of poetry

And you forget, ever so slightly, the way it ought to be.

I spend my time tucked away in his gentle arms, 

And for some time the world is still and peace is in my heart,

I crave his touch, his skin, his lips, and all I want is more..

The thoughts of mine never stray away from what we hold.

I do not think of you, my dear, when he is by my side,

And when he sleeps within my grasp I think of no one else...

He's wonderful, you know my dear, and his skin is always warm...

But see, my heart is heating up to match the burning sun.

Our hearts are warm for you and I, and they will always be,

There's something that we cannot forget and so much history!

We found ourselves as refugees in someone else's arms,

I love my choice, do you do yours? Or is she just for fun?

I'd reconsider mine, my dear, if you had made one change,

But I wouldn't throw heaven away for one short-lived race.

So stay where you have been my dear, however icy...

And remember, love, I made my sacrifices. 

Time is Up

Your time is up, so I've been told,
But then again, my pet...
It's been on empty for some time,
And you just have no luck.
I gave you from my stack of years
Again, again, and more..
You're wasting all my sacrifice
And I am growing bored.
This game we played isn't so fun
And changes need to happen...
You either move and change your life,
Or I am changing mine.

Your hourglass has just ran out
And no sand is seen flowing,
Before that last grain hits the pile
I add a little more.
My sand is different, it's smoother...
It runs a little better...
It isn't dirty from the past,
It isn't stained like bloody glass,
It brings indeed a little class,
And it will make you better.
The moment your hourglass
Is full once more my pet...
You go and spill your blood on it
And there we go again.

Change

Things are about to change, my pet...
Things are about to clear...
The emptiness that fills this place
Will soon be all around!
The darkness that invades the land,
Will settle in your soul...
And when it's over you'll be glad
You forfeited control.
It'll be better, dear, you'll see
With demons all around...
Running amok, pulling the skin
Of all that sit about.
Things will be different, pet. You'll see
And nothing will remain intact...
They'll follow you, you'll follow me
And I'll be leading, then.
Things will be changing, dear, you'll know
The sunsets never change...
The sunrise follows closely, love,
But your blood will never flow.
Your time is up, my pet, you see...
I couldn't slow you down...
But one thing's different, you know...
I didn't say you can.
I'll give you from my hourglass
A couple years of sand,
So you may prosper in your own
And you may shoot me down.

One. Two. Three

"Place the blade on the skin and pull", says the voice in my head again.
Like a master puppeteer he pulls the strings and the blade slides quickly..
     One line.
          Two lines.
               Three.
In places easy to hide unless another stumbles upon them innocently,
And then they all become an accident.

Grateful

Things get stressful in this life of mine,
And the adrenaline runs high in my line of work...
When lives are juggled carelessly by others,
And my heart's involved, I won't focus on much
Other than that.
Sometime's I'm fearful of impending failure,
And sometimes I can't focus on a thing...
But darling, I wish you knew
Just how grateful I am.
Grateful to be found in you,
And to lose myself between your crimson lips.

No One

No one understands my reaction to you,

When your heart stops and there's so little to do...

When your eyes close and your final breath escapes

And I can do only so much to keep it contained.

No one understands the panic of the thought,

If by any chance you were to disappear

Or end yourself upon death's rusty scythe...

No one grasps the pure terror within these veins of mine,

No one can fathom the bond you and I have,

For at the end of the day they return to their lives,

And I to mine, watchfully standing by your side.  

Safe

I woke up with my face in your jacket again,
And part of me knows I've only slept better once,
When your arms were around me
And your breath on my neck warmed me from the inside out.
I woke up wrapped in your jacket again,
And for a change all the demons were gone..
I was without nightmares or worries or fears,
Snuggled closely in a blanket of warmth.
And now that I'm awake I'm wondering, really..
If this is the way things ought to be,
If this is what everyone's talking about,
And if this will backfire on me.
You don't mind, right?
You must understand now, my worries...
I've been in a similar place once before..
Granted it's different, it's simpler...
This feels right in a way, which worries me still.
I'm not jumping the gun, dearest one,
And I meant it when I said that it's fine...
But I can't help but wonder if I am right...
If we'll be on the same page soon enough.

Promised

In a bloody mess of a situation
I lay motionless in this state of mind.
The predator within me tackling my nerves
And my self control dwindles evermore.
You lay naked and bleeding on the tile at my feet,
And there's little compassion in my bloodshot eyes..
I would pull you to pieces and bite into your heart
If you had one, but you, my dear, do not.
And when it all ends I won't lie to the gates,
I'll tell them I gave you just what I promised.

Dawn

With a confused smile on my face I wipe the sleep from my eyes,
And a vision of you remains unchanged, unaffected.
The white you are wearing is stunning my memory
And in the light of the dawn, I reach out.
From hours of laying motionless and quiet,
I'm quite catatonic and incredibly still ...
Any sudden moves or intrusive thoughts
Might break apart, shatter, or disperse,
Might pull me to you and ruin the dream.
With a confused, sleepy, smile I wipe the sleep from my eyes
And in the light of the dawn I reach out.
My fingertips touch you and I don't feel you break.
The dream ends abruptly, the imagery ends...
You're lying beside me, your breath even and warm
And for a couple of moments, I curse the dawn.

On my tongue

After a blissful weekend of lying by your side,
The week resumes once more
And in the rush of it all, I savor the moments
Of your skin on my tongue.

Without Fear

Wrapped in your arms I sleep soundly and for a few hours I am at peace,
There's no beast inside me screaming from hunger,
There's no doubt in my mind, and I am free for a change.
Your arm tightened around me and I can feel the heat of your skin transfer fast...
Each point of contact loosens my muscles and I relax at last,
For a few hours there's nothing to interrupt
The blissful feeling I feel in your arms.

Wrapped in your arms I can feel my heart level out,
All pain in my muscles seems to have stopped...
Scary movies are funny, and comedies are too good,
There's nothing to scare me, even though some of it should...
Your hand in my hair makes me sleepy and almost gets me to purr
And for the time being I feel very special.

Wrapped in your arms I feel your heart beating so strong,
I can feel all your muscles relax and disarm...
I can feel most of my walls come tumbling down and I'm tempted
To hold you until dawn, to banish the moon and troubles from now
And escape, into the darkness of now, holding you closer and wrapping around
You, without questions, without fear, without doubt.

Nightmares

With my head on my pillow and my knees close to me,
I close my eyes ever so reluctantly.
Nightmares creep in and I tear at my skin
Trying to silence the hell in my dreams.
I wake up gasping for air,
Or clutching the blanket too close,
I wake up drenched in my sweat,
Or with tears on my clothes...
It's like a sick movie playing on repeat,
The second it's over, then it begins...
There's something about them,
Something too real..
The smell of the skinless demons I fear,
The sight of their muscles exposed that still rot,
The feel of the sticky blood that can't clot..
The taste of the flesh that's shoved way too close,
The sound of the screaming that escapes my throat...
The smell and the sight, the feel and the taste,
The sound of the screaming that makes my lungs shake..
The terror that enters the marrow inside...
Doesn't escape me until the following night
When the nightmares return, when the demons come back...
When I close my eyes my hell is back.
There's no salvation for me, there's no way to get out..
No one to stop it, no one to keep me awake...
Each time my eyes close and I feel the fear...
All my salvation and hope disappear.

Something I won't say..

I hope this letter finds you well, dearest one...
I hope the joy that you keep losing
Has found its way back home to you.
I hope you're doing well, tonight, as you read my words...
Because, in all honestly, I think you might need a drink
Before continuing.
We've loved each other for so long,
And as time taught us, love's not cheap...
And in all honesty tonight is my official statement
Because I need a drink.
It's been years we've hurt each other,
And I've grown quite cold...
I'm over this and I keep getting old.
My words can't flow right,
I can't sleep well...
But hey, I'm tired. Go to hell.