These Days

They tell me constantly how bad you are for me,
Your toxicity harms my peace of mind
And they all seem to know what's best these days.
They tell me to put down my phone and turn away,
How nothing good will come of this
And they all seem to see something I don't these days.
They tell me I'm okay in walking away from this,
That all you do is take and take some more
And they insist they know what's best for me these days.
They tell me all this shit, you see but none of them know
You and I have this bond of the soul...
And they can say what they want these days...
But this, this needs to come to light,
I need them to back the hell off...
Because these days all that they know...
Is what I tell them
And... nothing more.

Flawed Design

There's no one to blame for this mistake darling,
Nothing left to say, the dead don't listen.
And I know this feeling is just temporary
But the good seems just to tease me to the climax
Then drop me from the height to the cliffs below.
There's nothing left to say about this one darling,
No one left to lend a piece of them to this vampire
And no one willing to keep one fed enough to be fine.
The moon itself hides her face on nights like this
As if to not be held responsible for the demons outside.
And I can hear them whispering to each other, dear,
I made one too many enemies these passing years.
You won't be held accountable for my mistakes tonight,
Something will change, inside or out.
A couple milligrams to get me through this night
And I promise, I'll be all right.
The next pathetic adrenaline junkie on the list is me,
I need the fix to get me through it this time.
I know tonight isn't the night to end it, but survive,
Don't blame yourself, for this self righteous suicide.

There Is

There's a darkness overwhelming and I cannot keep it at bay,
There's a loneliness ensuing and I cannot walk away.
There's blood that ceased from flowing and I cannot stay
There are demons in the courtyard and they have come to play.
There's a feeling rotting me, something I cannot betray,
Dealing with these consequences, come they as they may,
Following this sickest feeling as a train I can't delay
Time to face the darkness love, I won't get out of the way.

Demon

I know you demon, your presence is too familiar!
I see you demon, your eyes are cold and lifeless!
I smell you demon, your stink so sweet and lovely!
I hear you demon, your voice like honey to me!
I feel you demon, your presence is like tar!
I taste you demon, you're like acid on my tongue!
I fear you demon, you're what tears me down!
I need you demon, you're what keeps me strong!

Dry

The walls built themselves back up, brick by bloody brick,
Red-iron rivers flow through the maze from the source
Time to bleed her dry.

The light in her eyes has dimmed, instead the monster stares from within,
And I've seen him before too many times in this place,
It's time to bleed it dry.

Nothing's ever right for long and when it crashes it crashes from higher up,
And nothing will ever be the same again,
Bleed me dry.

Drug of Choice

Live Forever
Sixx A.M.
You and I, never really gave a damn,
We spent our lives, running through the wastelands,
Pretty sure, we should of had another plan,
But we were young.

Well close your eyes and try to count to seven,
And if we die, I'll meet you up in heaven,
Cos you're beautiful.

We were so independent,
So high on ill intentions,
We would explode in fury,
We were too scared to worry, anyway.

Now, you're the only thing left worth dying for,
You give me a reason I can't ignore,
And make me wanna live forever,
You're everything I've been waiting for,
For all of these years and a thousand more,
And make me wanna live forever.

Well now I've woke up,
And wonderland's gone to hell,
It choked me up,
But maybe it was just as well,
Cos you and I,
We burned up every brain cell,
That we had.

We were so independent,
So high on ill intentions,
We would explode in fury,
We were too scared to worry, anyway.

Now, you're the only thing left worth dying for,
You give me a reason I can't ignore,
And make me wanna live forever,
You're everything I've been waiting for,
For all of these years and a thousand more,
And make me wanna live forever.

It's coming back to me now, the reasons I put up with everything,
Doesn't compare to now, but it was gold and blessings.
Like a druggie I cry for my fix and shake, and I feel like I lost it,
But I can't even be bothered to pick up the phone anymore.
I can't tell my friends because all of them hate you
And I don't wanna hear what they have to say.

The music starts playing and the funniest part,
They're not any songs you and I had,
They're not something you gave me, but something I got
And I struggle with thinking they're not.
The familiar feeling overwhelms me terribly
And I shake like an addict and hide from myself,
And I run from my family and ignore all my friends...
I psych myself out and I try to forget,
I dive in my work and the sleep doesn't help.
I can feel the walls around me come up
And I want them to stop! I want to surrender
Completely, thoughtlessly, to the one that I want
But the process has started and my eyes are wet,
I have to fight with the demons to keep them in check,
And I need you now, darling, like I did all along.
I want you to find me and figure me out.
I want you to fix this and make it all better,
I want you to give me the promised forever.
But most of all, what I want is so simple,
I want the withdrawal to end...
I want to return to my friend
And be who I wanted to be all along.
I want to not want the drug that you are,
Because, love, he's more than enough...
And yeah, darling it has been tough
But if I can just tough it out!
If I can wait for it to get better without being bitter...
You'll be out of my system, you'll be out of my head,
And I'll feel much better my dear.

I can't tell my friends since they all hate you,
They'll keep me as far as they can from you.
You're toxic, they think, and will end me too soon...
But my drug of choice, love, always.
Nothing has changed, my loyalty to you remained the same
So "close your eyes and try to count to seven,
And if we die, I'll meet you up in heaven".

You make my head go....

Expelled

"Asking for permission is such a trivial matter,
As if I can't just take what is mine to take!
They underestimate me and what I'm capable of...
They find sweetness in bitter eyes.
I can ask sweetly for something I want,
Because just taking it is far too simple...
I can take softly with sneaky fingers
And make them touch heaven before I'm done with them.
Stupid people and gullible weaklings,
Don't know what I'm capable of, what I can do...
They think asking for permission is something I need
But no. It's something I like to do."

The vampire within comes out to slaughter them...
And all the thoughts of kindness are expunged...
It's okay though, when my eyes open I am safe
And my face is buried safely in your chest.
My nightmare is expelled.

Struggle

I struggle with deciding what I should do,
Should I stay with him or return to you?
Should I apologize for saying goodbye
Or stay with my choices and say what I
Have desired to say since day five hundred and one...
Which is, "I'm so done".

I struggle with deciding which path I should take,
Should I go to him or start digging my grave?
Should I struggle with you or find a way to be glad,
Rejoice happily, or mourn what I had,
Run into his arms and be oh so happy
And smile like a child for being so lucky?

I struggle with deciding what I should say,
Should I mention it or ignore it away?
Should I tell him of you or you of his smile
Or am I supposed to wait for a while?
Whom should I pick, you or him?
In retrospect, I want this beginning.

I don't struggle, honey, not really anyway...
I made my choice, I did not stay.
I want him over you because he doesn't bite
Except in ways that make me smile and fight!
So no dear, no struggle here...
Time to move forward without fear.

No regrets, no second thoughts, no worries,
All is well the way things are going.
It's going to be fine, it's all going well
Time to move forward and think "What the hell?"
We only live once, so lets do what we makes us smile
Pull them close to us and let them stay for a while.

Agitate

Agitate the butterflies and tear my soul to shreds,
My heart beats fast, my blood is hot, and I am not the same.

Agitate the thoughts within and make me lose my mind,
I would not mind the loss of thought for a while.

Agitate the blood inside and let it all consume me,
I do not mind this kind of fire, I don't mind it at all.

Agitate my world a bit, I would not stop you, dear
I love this change, I need this revolution, I want it dear.

Agitate the butterflies within and watch your efforts work,
It's wonderful and I believe you'll enjoy it thoroughly.

I Just Do.

You ask me to explain myself, to tell you why I do...
You search for answers, for what brings me to you.
It can be the physical or it can be the mental,
The actual or metaphysical.

It's the way you smile so sheepishly, as if you know a joke you haven't shared....
It's the way you speak to me, so soft and carelessly...
Its the way you walk with ease, an Adonis in your skin...
It might just be that grin.

It's how you touch my skin, the silky fusion of our hands.
It's how you don't give a damn and act the way you are without regret...
It's how you think and speak your mind effortlessly...

It's the way you join the "torture", the tickling and the squeaking...
It's the way you steal some glimpses in random conversations... and
It's the way you guard yourself oh so carefully...
It might be a challenge.

It's how you motivate me to be a better me...
It's how you make me smile just constantly...
It's how you melt me effortlessly...

It's all the smallest details, it's all the bigger ones.
It's all the subtle hints and all the blatant ones.
It's all the silly thoughts and all serious ones..

It's everything all at once.
Three years of butterflies progressively getting worse
To the point where ignoring this is just not possible...
Why do I care? Why want to make it better?
Why want you to smile always when I'm with you,
When I'm not?

Because I like you darling, because this might be real...
Because together, darling, we might be ideal.

So why do I like you? Because you are you...
I don't know darling... I just do.