I wish I could tell you that you’ve been my everything for ~3 years now. My therapist, my source of strength, my happiness, my best of friends. That I’ve never been more comfortable with anyone else. I wish I could tell you that when we don’t talk I always have my phone near me and each time it rings I hope it’s you. I wish I could tell you that it’s been years and you’re still the only one to make my heart beat faster; that every kiss just tastes like you, that every guy I hug just feels like you; smells like you… I wish I could tell you that you’re in my dreams and in my waking moments, that for you I’d forfeit my claim for paradise… that I would give Adonis the boot and walk away. 

I wish that I could tell you that you were my beginning, that in your arms I’d spend forever, dear. I wish that you could be my happy ending… I adored you then, as I adore you now, I will adore you always dearest one.

But I can’t tell you now, can I? You’re happy in her arms and I’ll never be enough… You have everything right now that I would wish you had. 

It Takes Courage

It takes courage to do what you've been doing, love.
Holding on so strong has never been so hard,
But in the lonely nights when you are all that's left,
Remember this: you feel what I have felt.
You're not alone, too many fit the bill,
And most of them survived; they were just like you.
You're strong and you are struggling,
But love, you're not alone.

It takes courage to take the pain and run,
To twist it in your hands like sculpting clay...
From ashes of destruction you will survive, my dear,
You will become the Phoenix we've all been waiting for.
You're only just a kid, your world is much much bigger
Than in reality where it's too small to see...
But trust me, dearest one, it will get better
As soon as you allow yourself to breathe.

You got yourself so broken, no problem I'll bring glue.
You cried those salty rivers about which no one knew...
You tried your hardest, darling to seem invincible,
So it's okay love, you did all that you could.
Now make your conscious choice to be all that you can,
Do not allow the darkness to overcome your heart,
The sun will rise again, and not in black and white.

(C) Minuit Amor

To you

For in that moment, I stood alone in front of you,
And opened up my soul to show you all I am...
No fear and no regret,
Just hope that one day I will be with you.
They say the soul is pretty, the shiny and the new...
The indestructible sensations of something that you knew...
That moment has since passed and I would have died again
Knowing that you're safe and I'm forgiven.

I was happy before, will be there once again,
This mourning period has been forsaken.
The innocence was spilled once more on silver blades,
The taste of tears, the smell of memories...
And you. You are my distraction
My only lullaby....
The only person's voice that can pacify.

I love you every day, I find you just the same...
But you just change the way I view myself.
I do not want to do it, to end it all tonight..
But I'd be more than happy to forfeit the fight.

Lost Another Battle

I slipped again and with this mistake the price was higher...
Years of nothing and of holding on have now been ripped apart
All thanks to you.
The same familiar urges of too much blood in these veins
And the sweet intoxication of that release has left me breathless
And gasping for air, so I may one day find my place.

Tears rolled down my cheeks like acid in an open wound,
And all the walls I built fell down to dust...
It is true what they said about my dirt kingdom- keep it.
I don't want it anymore.

The voice inside my head brags about telling me
And the angel by my side watches me worried- again...
My anchor to the world has been released and for the first time in a long time,
I felt much better.

I said I wouldn't fall, and wouldn't hurt myself,
I promised it to love and life itself...
And in his arms I sat and fell apart, sown at its seams by such an amateur.

Now with my phone in hand, I struggle for an answer,
The will inside of me to make that call...
To tell him I adore him, to keep him strong,
Because my biggest fear is losing him.

No dog or mutt could ever compensate,
My best friend's need of me to keep us whole...
And I failed him now, like I failed him then
And now my wrists wear sings of battle wounds.