Sometimes I want to shout and I want to scream,
I'd like to self destruct if I don't like the feeling...
But the attachment I have as to why I don't...
Has been... it will always be....

You.

vampire

Vampire

They say only a vampire can love forever,
In its arms forever you'll be safe...
That word means nothing to me dearest,
Forever will end eventually.
I make no promise of eternity,
I promise not to be your faithful pet,
I will not promise you an ending
But I will promise you my heart right now.
They say only a vampire can love forever,
In its heart, forever you shall stay...
I make no promises of disappointing words,
But I will promise, I will do my best.

I would cut the wings right off my back and not touch them again,
If I could know without a doubt, I won't be needing them.
If you stayed safe, and laughed a lot, I would remain at peace..
I would give my universe, for you to stay with me.

You were once flawless and made from ivory,
The perfection of your skin has kept my world together.
Through imperfection, through crimson passion,
I have kept you such a secret,
You are my passion,
You're my reason...
To keep believing.

Tilt the hourglass and allow the sand to pour,

Watch the memories escape your sleepy mind

And forget yourself inside the bloody sand,

Forgive your sins, forgive your way around...

And in the darkest hour, when it's almost out of sand,

Forget my name, forget all that has passed,

Turn it on its head, and start again, dear child.

She couldn't understand the twisted piece of luck,
To slide itself across her paler wrists,
She could not see the darkness tear apart
Her innocence like this.

I can't

I could not imagine what it feels like to be you,
To spend my nights crying over someone else...
I cannot imagine waking up in her bed,
Screaming somebody else's name.
I cannot see her through eyes such as hers,
When you're yelling, and screaming, and crying for me.
It surely must hurt her to poke these holes in her fantasy.
I cannot imagine the nights through your mind,
The memories haunting your dreams,
But I am the only one well equipped
To handle your PTSD.
I cannot imagine to allow you to tear
My soul into pieces, my heart to despair...
I could not imagine the feeling you feel,
To cry over something that was never real...
I cannot put myself in your shoes...
The only one I cried for, was you.

How many beds have you slept in, and how many mates have you kept?

And tell me, darling, how did you explain your terrible loss of words

When I cut the breath from your lungs with goodbye?

In how many hospitals have you screamed,
And yelled my name in your dreams?
How many hearts have you broken
And not always on purpose?
How many girls have you played with
And how many have left in
The middle of summer nights,
Still pining for you?

How many beds have you slept in,
How many dates have you seen,
How many loves have you kept,
How many loves have you left?

Life without you

I tried to see my life without you in it,

And to my desperation I could not form the thought…

Like midnight talks from dusk to dawn could have been enough!

The air escapes me and my lungs collapsed,

My knees start shaking and my eyes go black…

There is no life now that I touched perfection,

Submerged myself in bitter sweet deception,

And came victorious from hell’s gates.

I try to think about what would happen if

I stopped responding to your messages,

And tried to start again in another place…

My discovery? My joy and my pain…

I could not survive, could not live again…

Now that you are here, and my life is full,

There is no turning back…

..for me…

…or for you.

Spider

A spider on the wall, how I adore discretion,

Your silken web, so beautifully crafted …

A tangled mess you made with lines around my throat

And in a sudden jerk you pulled me off the ground.

Your colorful seduction a brilliant display

Of predatory skills and twisted fantasies.

Your web, a design so simple.

Your trap, so intricate and harsh,

Your lies have brought be down…

Your lines have slit my throat.

You’re such a spider, darling,

Long legs and deadly touch,

You’d sell my soul completely

For one moment’s worth.

A spider on the wall, I adore your discretion…

Watching me die young with sweet intoxication.

Pen to paper, I'm writing again...
Another letter I will not be sending,
Another line of insults I won't be regretting.
You're the reason I am what I am,
A monster in innocent sheepskin
A vampire, thirsting for the blood I have lost,
A shell... I'm a part of my past.

Too many thoughts buzzing through my head,
I need a way out and another way to forget.
You're the reason to drink and self medicate...
While with you, I'll be inadequate.
I cannot focus right now,
I cannot keep trying...

I hope

I hope you're happy now that I can't sleep....
     Every dream I dream, makes me think of how I miss you.
I hope you like seeing me hurt myself....
     With the pieces of a heart you broke too many times.
I hope you smile a lot more now...
     It's something I gave up on when you left my side.

Seasons

Confused words scribbled on crumpled paper,
Trying to make sense of my thoughts again.
Don't mind me, don't even look my way
For I am nothing but your imagination.
I stood by watching you through all your seasons,
In Spring I saw you bloom like exotic flowers...
Your lips- your ivory petals, your eyes- butterfly wings.
In Summer I watched you ripen, like cherries nice and sweet,
Your cheeks of purest sunshine, your lips like honey, dear.
In Fall I watched you grow, like oak trees strong and lean,
The jokes inside our heads, colorful fantasies.
Winter came too often and I watched you leave,
It's not a problem dearest, you'll be back in the spring.

I hate you

I hate how you're the character of every book I read,
The twisted essence of every fantasy...
I hate the way you're present in all the songs I hear
Ghost from a cloudy present from nowhere near.
I hate your mocking smile, the way it drives me wild...
Those pianist fingers that make dreams materialize...
I hate you with such passions, the sun would appear dim...
I hate you, dearest one, for you aren't him.