I have

I have written dedications, poetry, and prose

Incantations, summonings, spells galore.

I have bound my blood, I have sold my soul...

Do I even know who I am anymore?

Guardian II

It's a thankless job...

No one believes a thing,

And yet no one sees

How real this whole thing is.

My wings are cut and broken,

My skin is black and blue...

My spirit is forgotten,

I fought the fight for you.

My loyalty was at your feet,

And at my side was no one.

I summoned Death in front of me,

I summoned Michael at your side...

I called my guardians and guides

I summoned armies of knights

I stayed and fought in all the fights,

I would have died for you.

My energy is negative,

My thoughts have dust on them,

I seem to be the blackest hole,

And all I have, I give to you

So you may heal and grow,

So you may think and act,

So you may live again.

My job is dull, painful and thankless,

The danger's imminent...

I put aside all others,

I put aside all else...

I pushed all else away...

I know you want to hide...

Everything will be kept at bay...

Your guardian is at your side.

Thank you

I let you in my home,

I let you in my life...

For you, cherie,

I put it on the line.

I fought my own to defend you,

I lost my soul for you

And you, my darling one,

Have made me a fool.

Sunshine

Sunset, Sunrise...

The same routine approaches...

I have a knife in my pocket,

A heart and a locket,

The motto is 'fuck it'

It's my time to forget.

The Ritual started,

The demons are summoned,

Time to cheat Death yet again.

The fight for the finish,

In it to win it..

I either succeed

Or meet my maker tonight

Between sunset and sunrise.

Broken

I reached a breaking point now,

Transversed through a blessing...

I no longer am as frail as I was,

The breath in my lings

Wastes oxygen...

And I miss the embrace of Death again.

As dark as he may be,

He cannot compare

To travel changes...

To life's lonely air.

No more

no more energy within my veins anymore...

The last I had of it, I gave to you

And now, I'm dangling my feet

Off the side of this cliff...

I can see the bottom...

I can almost touch it...

I will someday soon.

No more blood in my veins anymore...

the last I had, I spilled for you

And now there's nothing left

To see in other colors...

All I see is red...

Dripping down my arms...

I cannot make it stop.

No more breath in my lungs anymore...

The last I had, I breathed to you

And now, my eyes embrace the darkness

As my hands clutch the water.

I cannot feel warmth anymore...

I can't see the sky

I'm approaching a different light.

My Favorite Place

Your arms are wrapped around me,

I breathe you in, then out…

Your gentle, trembling heartbeat

Is what keeps me sane.

Your lips are ripest cherries,

You reek of love and calm…

The arms that wrap around me

Can never mean me harm.

You are the one I run to

The one for my escape,

And in your arms I tremble…

The world we will forget.

For you are mine, my darling,

As I belong to you…

Secretly I hope,

It will be just us two.

Bucharest

If I close my eyes I see the city clearly,

As through a looking glass, between a book of lies…

What was then, no longer seems to be,

And candles burn each day for its memory.

I spent too many years walking through those streets,

I close my eyes and all seems like a dream…

A twisted fantasy of ignorance and freedom

To satisfy the terrifying boredom.

I now know every side street, and every working light,

I know the touch of darkness that creates the night.

I know the kiss of sunsets, the sweet embrace of snow,

I’ve seen the changing seasons and I have let them go…

I’ve wrapped myself in meadows; I fell asleep with Rain,

I rearranged the beaches and counted every grain.

I gathered all the stars from that bloody place

And through those sleepless nights I covered them in lace.

If I close my eyes, I see the city clearly,

Those empty midnight roads I held so dearly,

Within my palm I kept the diamond memories

Of young, innocent minds, and playful fantasies.

The empty skies at sunsets that still paint the sky red

Romantic stories to remember a broken Juliet…

No matter where I go, my blood still holds that place

I will remember always, the lights of Bucharest.

Sinful

It doesn't matter anymore,

I wonder if it ever has...

The touch of your skin

The taste of the sin...

The power within

Evaporated.

Of course

Of course I'm fearful, silly.

Of course I'm terrified.

Of course I have my doubts

About my sacrifice.

Of course I cry sometimes.

Of course I fall apart.

Of course I'm lonely too

Laying in the dark.

Of course I've broken down.

Of course I've cut my skin.

Of course I've listened to

The nagging voice within.

Of course I've had my doubts.

Of course I wished to run.

Of course I've packed my bags

And then I set them down.

Of course I hate myself.

Of course I love your heart.

Of course I'd leave it all

To sleep in your bed tonight.

Of course I've dreamed about it.

Of course I'd beg and plead.

Of course I'd fight for it.

Babe, you're all I need.

Sacrifice

Dis-concerning thoughts

Breed dis-concerning lies

Stupid disguise...

Willing to fantasize.

Run from the shadows,

Cry in the dark...

When loneliness surrounds

Was this a trap?

Have they lied to you?

Did they break you down?

Are you forgotten now?

Do wings surround you?

Are the nights less lonely

Knowing I'm still here?

Does it matter at all

How my heart shatters?

No, please don't cry...

I'm whole once more...

And for another time

No pain surrounds

This fearful heart of mine.

If I were to die right now

Would you survive the night,

Knowing I have sacrificed it all

To make your life allright,

To make sure you'e alive?

Would you grant me this,

So I may rest in peace...

If I would die tonight...

Live your life for me.

Guardian

Wings outstretched and facing the sky,

Confident eyes to search and analyze

Wind caressed body wrapped in the breeze,

And she stands confident where she is.

It doesn't matter, really, what she has to say

Words are wasteful now, so are the tears.

Her feeling doesn't matter, has it ever though?

She'll sacrifice it all for you...

It doesn't matter tough, she never does

She doesn't tell you although it hurts,

She'd break herself before breaking you,

When there's nothing left of her,

What do you plan to do?

There is no crazy glue to fix a guardian

There are no gentle words to say...

You break her every day and expect

A healer to return complete again.

Keep pushing her, child,

Push it till she breaks,

And she'll be gone for good this time...

All will be forgotten, she won't hold a grudge...

But it will be the last time

You set your curious eyes

On the only guardian willing to sacrifice

Her life, and afterlife.

In your arms

I close my eyes in a lonely bed,

And tighten my arms around me...

There's nothing here, except for the sheets,

And yes, there's the loneliness

That comes with an empty bed.

There is no light in this darkened room,

There is no sound, not even breath tonight.

It's desolate...

I open my eyes to a nice, warm bed,

And two strong arms to keep me steady...

A kiss on my forehead and a smile for me,

The candlelit room that glows in the night

Nothing can rip me from your arms tonight,

In your bed and your heart

I am safe.

Justify

There's so much going through my head

Am I behind or am I ahead?

Am I alive or am I dead?

The only thing I can justify

Is that I am terrified

And you make me feel alive.

Not so different

I think I've been in your shoes before,

Felt what you feel...

Saw what you see...

Knew what you know...

I HAVE stood in your shoes,

And I have thought what you think,

I have been there and pulled through

And darling, so will you.

It's hard, I know it is

And I know you try so hard.

I know better than they do

And I don't even speak with you.

Take a breath, and drink some water

Try to sleep and clear your mind

And when you wake up,

All ought to be better.

Try to relax, darling,

Life's not all that bad

I've been where you are now

And dear?

We're not so different.

Cat and Mouse

Not much for games anymore, I grew up

Have lost too much in their behalf

I could run forever and not come back,

Leave you alone as the foolish cat.

I could fight you, baby

I can show you the world.

Push you and pull you

Take you and let you go,

Bite you and scratch you

Beg you to stay or go.

I'm over the games though, not enough energy
Either you want or you don't..

You can run or you can stay,

But this game you play

Is getting boring.

But a dream

I'm shy and soft spoken,

You're cold and quite mean.

I'm very pretty,

And you are quite lean.

I'm your worst nightmare,

You're but a dream.

Erasing

My hands are shaking,

My thoughts are racing,

My heart is stressing

And I'm erasing you.

Secret to Relationships

Someone once gave me a piece of advice,

In which a relationship's doomed, and pays a price.

"The power within this relation of ours

Belongs to he who does not care as much.

Relationships' doomed and destined to fail

As star-crossed lovers descend into hell,

No point in caring, it might break your heart

Relationships fail from the start."

That person then told me, the power was his

He would not care, that was his promise

And in his eyes laid a vast emptiness.

I smiled and said "You're a silly man.

Power is not the right plan.

He who does not care may not get hurt

But is he truly happy?

No. I think not.

Play

You play with me,

And I play with you.

You want me,

And I want you too.

We keep going like this,

Back and forth...

I take something,

You take more.

Don't toy with me,

Or I'll let you go.

Temptations

I didn't think I'd be giving in,

Temptations roaming, lust running loose

You're not my type, but you're starting to

So far so long, so incredible.

I'd like to take you with me once

And pull you close to me

Press my lips against your lips

And give you ecstasy.