I HatED You

I hated you when you pranced into his life.

I hated you when you laid half naked on his bed.

I hated you when you broke his heart.

I hated you when he took your photos.

I hated you when he started chain smoking.

I hated you when he started acting up.

I hated you when you fucked him the first time.

I hated you when you fucked him again.

I hated you when you talked to me.

I hated you when you made me care about your fate.

I hated you when I couldn't be mad at him.

I hated you when you pounced on him.

I hated you when you ripped him away.

I hated you when you gave him your blood.

I hated you when he gave you his.

I hated you when you wore his clothes.

I hated you when you were in his shower.

I hated you when he didn't talk to me.

I hated you when he preferred you.

I hated you when you cheated too.

I hated you with your eating disorder.

I hated you with every moan you made.

I hated your lack of overall composure.

I hated you playing with his rats and cats.

I hated you fucking him again.

I hated you lying to me.

I hated you when he lied to me.

I hated you when he cried.

I hated you when you were stronger.

I hated you because you were beautiful.

I hated you when he chose you over me.

I hated you because you were established.

I hated you because you were thinner.

I hated you because you wanted my boy.

I hated you when I cried.

I hated you when I wanted you to leave.

I hated you when I wanted you to stay.

I hated you when you stayed.

I hated you when you left.

I hated you since you came and never left his bed.

I hated you when you didn't respect my wish.

I hated you when you said you 'respected' my relationship.

I hated you when you broke my heart.

I hated you when you broke my trust.

I hated you overall.

I hated you when you left without consequences.

I hated you when you left me my mess.

I hated you.

I hated you.

I hated you.

I hated you.

Now... now I'm too tired to hate you,

Now... now I actually kind of miss you.

Now... now I regret hating you.

Now... now I'm all alone.

Now... now I still love him.

Now... now I hate myself.

Now... now I am broken. All because of you.

Now... now I wish to die.

Now... now I have no more will.

Now... now I still have to fight for him.

Now... now... nevermind.

Now... now... I don't hate you anymore.

Now... now I'm better.

Now... now I have no more strength...

Now... now I'm just a shell of myself.

Now... now I wanted to say that

Now... now... it still hurts everyday.

How ?

Just a ragged doll, thrown around and torn

I cannot be what they say, no... no..

A being of darkness of pain and destruction,

Cannot be something so good and so kind...

Cannot be a being made only to guard,

Keep safe and stand in the line of fire.

An aura of darkness streaked with blood

Innocent victims lying on the floor...

Pools of the liquid, life running out,

Me kneeling silent into the dark...

No... this cannot be...

With good wings, black wings,

With blood dripping down...

With sharper teeth,

With obsidian eyes,

With the darkest heart

In the known universe....

No. No. No. No. No! No!

No good would come of this,

Making a predator, a cold hearted killer

Protect a week innocent lamb.

Set your ferocious feline to starve,

And dangle an innocent strip of meat,

Before heartbeat's over, before you may blink,

The feline's not hungry anymore...

How can this demon be something so pure,

With slivers of silver in a moonlight aura?

How can this darkness be something so good,

With a golden heart and reassuring smile?

How can this vampire be a guardian? How?

Shoot me

When I went to bed last night, I did not plan on waking up.

When I left for school this morning, I did not think I would return.

When I said 'I'm out of here' I didn't think you'd let me go..

When I called to say 'Hello' I didn't think I'd cry...

When I got upset and sad I thought you'd make it better, and

When I went to bed alone, I wished to sleep forever.

When I went to bed last night, I did not plan on waking up.

When I left for school this morning, I did not think I would return.

I think I realized one thing, maybe as good as ever...

I don't see any light no more, and I can't see your face,

I cannot breathe, I really can't and I don't see a point

I tried my best to be so strong, and I can't believe I failed.

I never felt the way I do, I never felt this way...

I am usually not vulnerable but I was then...

When I went to bed last night, I did not plan on waking up.

When I left for school this morning, I did not think I would return.

Ghost

I fall to my knees in the middle of the crowded street,

And nobody sees the misery, the mess inside me.

No passer by stops, not even a glance...

They all just keep walking away.

I sit there for hours, hours on end without mercy,

There comes the sunset, the moon rises high...

The sun rises after, the crowds come again

And I have no will to get up.

I see couples kissing, and old couples smile,

I see kids are running, and pets that are smart,

I see cars that'd be crashing, I see future dead

And I keep sitting there silent and still.

I have tears streaming down my cheeks

And no one can see or hear or even feel...

I'm okay... I'm okay... I'm okay...

No I'm not. I'm alone. I am dead... and I'm gone.

Church Bells

Church bells ring, calling you to service

No tears of joy, its time to shed blood.

Blood from your blood coagulated

And now youre alone and now they are gone.

Church bells echo in preocupied minds...

They change your perspective of the world.

Tears sting your eyes and youre out of breath,

Don't contain yourself no one will judge.

Church bells scream and tear your soul apart,

Taking away what you value most,

Pulling away your heart and joy

And this is no game, they are really gone, you have missed your chance.

February 18, 2010

Death Call

When Death calls what will you do, deny it?

Tell him to leave you alone, you are too young?

You have a life and you need to live it?

You cannot go, you're not ready yet?
With its icy grip it will steal your soul

And with its crystal voice, it will break your heart

For he does not care if you said 'goodbye'

If you told your loved ones just how much you care.

And when Deah comes knocking
Breaking through your sheild

Taking you by the hand and pulling you along,

Will you be ready to go, no more 'last goodbye'

No note left behind to just say you love them.

When Death calls your name, will you be afraid?

Will you call for mercy?

Will you call for life?

Will you call salvation?

Will you call their names?

Will you be ready to go?

When Death steals your soul and calls you away,

When he takes your hand and steals you away...

Will you be ready to go?

Have no regrets?

Don't try to fight it, for you will not win.

Just keep in mind that one day you're fine,

And a few moments later you just might not be.

When Death calls your name, will you be ready?

Have you said 'I love you' to all whom you love?

When Death calls your name, please just be ready,

Because when he comes, it will be too late.

Without Me

You work and you try to erase this nightmare.

Is it working? Is it any better?

Has it improved drastically since you sold your soul?

Well... has it?

Have you tried harder since it happened?

Have you changed?

I think so.

Does my say, matter?

I thought it used to. Then.

Now, everything changed.

Nothing I can ever say might change your mind.

Nothing I say or do will erase this.

Won't stop the nightmares,

Won't dry the tears.

Definitely won't change your decision.

Or your mind.

Or your annoyance with the truth.

All will remain the same:

Consistent.

The way it should be.

The way you wish it to be.

Lonely.

Regular.

Plain.

Stagnant.

Free of nightmares and fears.

Without thoughts or laughter.

Without chaos or worry.

Without me.

February 11, 2010

Dark Passion

Frustration intertwined with sweet intoxication,

In which the innocence within your blood stream

Turns into passion.

Cooling confusion to substitute depression

And darkened sympathy with which

You fall apart.

Annoying train of thought with which you function,

Sweet despair to fill up your lungs,

And in your presence my thoughts turn to dust

Simple memories, shadows, and ghosts.

As I lose myself inside you

Innocence has lost its way.

A timeless seduction and form of passion,

Your thoughts are your own and not mine...

For if I invade them, there's no turning back,

Patience is an attribute I clearly lack

But as I fill your mind and shatter the line,

Proceed with caution, do not waste my time.

And on your frail cheek I will lay a kiss,

And in your naked palm my soul exposed

For that which lacks ambition

Lacks the time to move,

To try again.

In your still beating heart I'll inject my poison,

In its due time, you will be mine.

It is You

Secured in darkness you fall to your knees,

Sweet child, sweet man in transformation.

You head looks straight, your eyes ashamed,

And at me, not a glance.

Your dreams are odd, your thoughts too cold

Within your mind, a revelation...

For that which falls to dust is obsolete

And in my palm, you set your soul.

Forgive me darling if my words seem harsh

But I have seen your kind too often,

And in my innocence I'll be discrete

But you are mine, the rest are obsolete.

I'm quite demanding but quite giving too

And in your presence life seems like a game.

Disturbing and broken down

But a game I'd like to play nonetheless.

And now I'm tired of this stupid game,

Consider me the cat and quit mousing around...

For as good as you taste I'm sure there is a weakness.

I am a predator, and a skilled one too,

I get what I want and right now it's you.

I am sure to find it, no forgiveness

This game is boring me, let it be over

Who's hunting who, my innocent?

Patience

I don't have the patience to sit around and wait

The games you play are boring

And I'm losing your scent.

The hourglass is empty

And now it's pouring tears,

A vampire has drained you

And now you're desert dry,

Holding me captive at your stupid side.

All the blood that's dripping

Doesn't change one thing,

You're asking for forgiveness

But is it all you need?

Fate

Blood, sweat, and tears to overflow a cup,

And in thy last moment, a sigh, a last resort,

To take my hand would mean you would commit

To a complete life of danger and uncertainty.

And in my waking moments, I place you before myself,

And in my sleeping moments I take you to my dreams.

In my last moment, with my last breath,

I will stand in your shadow and hold you to my side,

For in my latest moment I will grab your wrist,

Imprint my force within the pores of your skin...

A simple spell to place upon thy lips,

And seal the whole thing with a kiss.

For in my last moment,

With my last breath,

I will say I love you,

And come to seal my fate.

I could have pulled myself to tiny pieces...

And sprinkle my fragments into the wind,

Reach higher and touch the moon,

So I can bring it to you in a jewelry box.

I'll sprinkle starlight in a wedding band

And set the moon upon its thicker side,

I'll place it on a chain and throw it on your keys

So you may know you always have the option.